I've had more bad luck with blind dates that friends have set me up with than anyone I know. My very first blind date seemed nice at first. But once she started to talk, she just would not quit. At one point in her monologue, she started to talk about all the problems that she had had with kidney stones. I sat there with a look of disbelief on my face which she misinterpreted as interest. Unintentionally I muttered out loud, “I don't believe this”. She then said, “You don't believe me? Well look at this!”. She then started rummaging through her purse and pulled out a small medicine bottle. She opened it and emptied it onto the table. I could never have imagined what it was that ended up there! Three large kidney stones. She felt compelled to carry them around with her! I have heard of people keeping baby teeth, but kidney stones are just too weird for me.
After dinner she excused herself to the ladies room. After what seemed like a half hour, she had still not returned. I started to worry. The next time the waitress came by I asked her if she would check up on her for me. The next thing I know the waitress comes out yelling for someone to call an ambulance saying a young women had passed out in the washroom. I went in to see if there was something I could do and saw her laying on the floor in her own vomit. Apparently she was bulimic and is now being treated for the disorder. Funny I didn't notice she had any problem, but then I had thought it a little weird that she was wearing such bulky clothing on such a hot day. I guess it just goes to show you that there are some very sick people walking around and you would not know it if you are not specifically looking for it.
I had a few more blind dates. Most of them had some interesting personality quirks, which is likely why they were not attached to anyone. There was the goth looking more like Dracula's bride than a date, miss sunshine who was so bubbly she made you want to vomit, tattoo lady with snakes and lizards adorning all of her visible skin, and iron maiden who wore tons of metal stuff stuck through various parts of her anatomy (yuk). But I just classified these as my personal turn offs because I have seen all of them since with other guys.
My very last blind date was really a humdinger. A friend of mine (or should I say ex friend) gave her my email address and told me she was really hot (ya she was hot alright). We got along well chatting and emailing, and when we finally got around to talking on the phone, her voice was really, really sexy. Apparently she had the hots for meet me too. We decided to meet at a Red Lobster. I arrived first and was sweating with nervousness about meeting this hot sexy chick. I saw an old Toyota Tercel pull into the parking lot with the front driver side riding low. I remember thinking that the front spring in the car must be broken. It parked and the door opened, and out stepped (well stepped is a bad word for the series of motions it took her to extract herself from the vehicle) my date. OUCH!
It seemed my hot sexy chick was more like 350 pounds of pure fat! She had totally set me up! She told me she had an average body type. I don't think I've ever seen a slender hippo, and that is about the best example from the animal world that she most resembled.
My face must have looked shocked, but before she could see me, I managed to compose myself and put my best foot forward (all the time hoping that she would not step on it). I met her at the door and escorted her back to my table where we ordered our food. When our food came, she had difficulty reaching it because her stomach was in the way. I was stunned to watch her calmly pick up the end of the table, pull it towards her, and plunk the edge of it on her abdomen. I forgot my hunger and just stared at her as she proceeded to wolf down her dinner. She reached over and grabbed mine asking, “You're not eating this are you?” On top of this, she ordered and ate three different deserts, all the time remarking at how she thought that desert was the best part of any meal. I paid the bill, which put a serious dent in my wallet, and wound the evening down as quickly as it was polite to do. I stopped by a McDonald’s on the way home for a burger and onion rings because I was still hungry and it was all I could afford. I just ordered. After this evening's spectacle, I could not face super-sizing it like I usually do. She phoned me the next night and after gushing over the great time she had, she wanted to know when we would get together again. I told her that I was sorry but I would not be able to see her anymore because my company had just informed me that day that I would be transferred to another location across the country and I would be moving by the end of the week. What a coward I was, but I just could not tell her what I really thought.
I have learned my lesson. No more stupid blind dates for me.
From now on I only spend time looking for women on online dating sites. Needless to say, I am much better at detecting phonies than I used to be, so I seldom have any negative surprises. The only negative things that I have to face now are not getting a good vibe from a woman that I would otherwise be proud to be with forever.
Here is where I found the best online dating sites to join:
top dating sites
